Sunday, April 20, 2014
Bruno Mars Just the way you are. My daughter has autism but she come to ...
My sweet girl comes to life to this Bruno Mars song, every time i watch her do this little dance i cry with so many tears of joy, it's things like this that make the bad days worth fighting through, this day was indeed an awesome day!!!
Friday, October 12, 2012
My Fairy Tale
Having two daughters, there is no shortage of all things princess, I have spent more time singing songs from The little Mermaid, Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast and the list goes on. Don't we as little girls dream of our fairy tale? how someday we will meet prince charming and get married in a castle. In so many ways all of that happened to me, ok so my prince charming has a few tattoo's, and our trip to the alter was a long hard road, but there were plenty of songs that we sang along the way, we laughed, smiled and yes we cried, and no we didn't get married in a castle, but, we got married on the deck of my parents house looking over the lake, so we got a better deal there, isn't the dream still the same? sure I want happily ever after. I am still madly, crazy in love with the man I married, its been 11 years and I can't wait for the next 50.
The little Mermaid has a sequel, they have a daughter, and of course she is beautiful, and talented all the things that the daughter of a princess should be. What kind of movie would that be if the little girl was a tiny bit different? what if she had autism.........how does that story go?
That is my story, when i dreamed of having kids with my husband, it never looked like what it does, I never dreamed my princess would scream at me and hit me, not want to give her daddy a kiss goodbye when he goes to work, never knew i couldn't kiss her boo boo's, because she didn't like the way a kiss on her skin felt, there would be no singing her to sleep, or singing to comfort her, in fact it seems to just plain make her mad, I love to sing, and it always was something that Grace loved, but not Pieper. So what now? how do those of us with the special princesses find the happy ending? I love my girls, and would and will do anything for them, right now I feel like we are in the fight of our lives, to help Pieper find her song, she is working so hard, to see her battle through all the things that she is being asked to do, I am inspired by that, how could a little girl be so very strong? I wonder sometimes if Pieper was given to us, so we could see what a true fighter looks like, a true princess. God please give me the strength to be strong and steadfast like my little princess, help me Lord to be more like her, because she is more like you than I am. God bless all those Mom's and Dad's, and all those special kids out there, lets rewrite Happily ever after.
Grace and Blessings to all
The little Mermaid has a sequel, they have a daughter, and of course she is beautiful, and talented all the things that the daughter of a princess should be. What kind of movie would that be if the little girl was a tiny bit different? what if she had autism.........how does that story go?
That is my story, when i dreamed of having kids with my husband, it never looked like what it does, I never dreamed my princess would scream at me and hit me, not want to give her daddy a kiss goodbye when he goes to work, never knew i couldn't kiss her boo boo's, because she didn't like the way a kiss on her skin felt, there would be no singing her to sleep, or singing to comfort her, in fact it seems to just plain make her mad, I love to sing, and it always was something that Grace loved, but not Pieper. So what now? how do those of us with the special princesses find the happy ending? I love my girls, and would and will do anything for them, right now I feel like we are in the fight of our lives, to help Pieper find her song, she is working so hard, to see her battle through all the things that she is being asked to do, I am inspired by that, how could a little girl be so very strong? I wonder sometimes if Pieper was given to us, so we could see what a true fighter looks like, a true princess. God please give me the strength to be strong and steadfast like my little princess, help me Lord to be more like her, because she is more like you than I am. God bless all those Mom's and Dad's, and all those special kids out there, lets rewrite Happily ever after.
Grace and Blessings to all
Monday, October 1, 2012
For Grace
I know your favorite story, it's the one about the day you were born.
It was a really hot summer, a lot like the one this year, everything was brown, all the grass was dead. I went into labor on an early Saturday morning, you came into this world Saturday afternoon, and when you came so did the rain, it gave life back to all the plants, you were truly a gift to this world.
I love telling you that story, it makes you smile from ear to ear, I hope you felt, and know, that God has made you so very special, he was showing me that when he made the rain come that day, I know sometimes that you get a little lost in all the craziness around Pieper, and how her autism seems to be all there is, but you my sweet angel handle it so beautifully, and with such grace, your life has touched me and everyone who knows you, you have taught me about love, by watching you with your sister, you are incredibly merciful, you are amazing Grace, I am so very proud to be your Mom.
So I want to tell you I am so sorry, if you ever felt like you weren't important, because you are, I am sorry that we can't do all the things you want because your sister can't, or any of the long list of things, that come along with having a unique sister, but I am so sad that When I dropped you off at school, I got caught up talking to Pieper's teacher, and forgot to give you a kiss, and say goodbye, I am sorry, I love looking into your eyes and telling you "I love you, have a great day!" I felt lost without it today.
All of these changes that are going on, and the sacrifices that you are making for you sister,I think you are so strong and brave, I am sure that it is so hard, I just know that God has an awesome future for you, I feel so privileged to be a witness to your life. I love you so very much, my life makes sense because you are in it. So my sweet girl "I love you, have an amazing, blessed life"
Love with hugs and kisses, mom
It was a really hot summer, a lot like the one this year, everything was brown, all the grass was dead. I went into labor on an early Saturday morning, you came into this world Saturday afternoon, and when you came so did the rain, it gave life back to all the plants, you were truly a gift to this world.
I love telling you that story, it makes you smile from ear to ear, I hope you felt, and know, that God has made you so very special, he was showing me that when he made the rain come that day, I know sometimes that you get a little lost in all the craziness around Pieper, and how her autism seems to be all there is, but you my sweet angel handle it so beautifully, and with such grace, your life has touched me and everyone who knows you, you have taught me about love, by watching you with your sister, you are incredibly merciful, you are amazing Grace, I am so very proud to be your Mom.
So I want to tell you I am so sorry, if you ever felt like you weren't important, because you are, I am sorry that we can't do all the things you want because your sister can't, or any of the long list of things, that come along with having a unique sister, but I am so sad that When I dropped you off at school, I got caught up talking to Pieper's teacher, and forgot to give you a kiss, and say goodbye, I am sorry, I love looking into your eyes and telling you "I love you, have a great day!" I felt lost without it today.
All of these changes that are going on, and the sacrifices that you are making for you sister,I think you are so strong and brave, I am sure that it is so hard, I just know that God has an awesome future for you, I feel so privileged to be a witness to your life. I love you so very much, my life makes sense because you are in it. So my sweet girl "I love you, have an amazing, blessed life"
Love with hugs and kisses, mom
Thursday, September 27, 2012
New Beginnings
So..you know how you feel the night before you start a new job? your nervous, excited, anxious and a bit scared, well I am feeling all of those things tonight, no I am not starting a new job, but we are preparing to start a new life, it is all due to Pieper's therapy with Brain Balance. We went for our planning meeting last night, and it is going to be BIG changes for Pie, and the rest of us to, I am not going to lie, I am super scared, I want to do great for my girl, I want to help her find herself, and I just don't want to mess up, this is probably the most important thing i have ever done, It does feel like her future depends on how strong I stay during this time....no pressure, right.
I know deep inside that it will be Ok , I am learning to listen to the Spirit, and I plan on letting God lead me.
So tomorrow I will be taking her TV and storing it until, well I don't know for how long, I'm guessing long term, or indefinitely, there wont be anymore i-pad either, yes you guessed it that means we are all losing TV time, I know, how is that going to work? i don't know but I will let you know, we plan on getting super active, they want her moving a lot, but their is more, I need to put away anything she has obsession with, if anyone knows Pieper, that is a big list, she may be coming home to a bare room. I hope this is not coming across as complaining, because I'm not, in fact i am so excited about some of the changes, but it goes back to the nervous, excited and anxious part, along with those changes, I will be working on some very specific brain exercises, and she is going to fight me on those for sure, but oh boy, when it all starts working, and maybe I will be able to talk to my baby, well that would be a gift I can't even tell you, it will be some kind of wonderful miracle, something straight from God, all of it will be worth it, I can't wait to meet the new, the real true Pieper!
Now I am off to get my rest, I will need it, Thanks for reading and praying, I appreciate and love all of you more than you know.
Grace and Blessings to you all
Saturday, September 15, 2012
hold on...for Pieper's life
My oldest daughter is now nine years old, when i took my maternity leave right before she came to live in this world, I had full intentions of going back to work, but I found I did not have a job waiting for me any longer when I went back, that turned out to be alright because eight short months after having Grace, Tommy and I were blessed to be expecting our second, our Pieper, not having a job worked for us, child care as some of you know, is very expensive, it was better for us for me just to stay home, why is this important? i would find out later that God does have the best plan, and i would absolutely need to be there for both of my girls.
I was raised with a very strong work ethic, my parents taught me to always do my best, you know the old, do it to the best of your ability or don't do it at all, so in my life I have tried to be the best at what I did, I am a hard worker, I put all of that into being a wife and mother. When we knew something was not quite right with Pieper, i knew that my ideas of going back to work after the girls started school would most likely not be my reality, that was hard for me to swallow, I found being at home a bit boring, I loved the hustle of working, but it was what i had to do, I did love being with my little chicks, and I just knew that my Pie was going to need me.
We live a very humble life,Tommy works hard for everything we have, our home has always been full of more love than things, we like it that way. The idea of getting any help for Pieper was not a financial possibility, but we have been blessed with an amazing school program, and incredible teachers for Pieper, and life was moving right along, this last year, some behavior that had been a part of Pieper, were getting worse, she was getting older, and it was not as cute and endearing anymore, it was becoming clear, we had to do something. I heard about a place called Brain Balance from a woman I meet, her son had success there, and i was open for something, anything at that point, so I made a call, just as I expected the price tag was something I didn't think we could do, and once again it was back to just surviving, trying to get through everyday without losing it. Shortly after that I was visiting with my Mother, and spilled my frustrations out to her, I can only imagine how tuff that must be to see your child, and your grandchild going through something as emotionally draining as autism, so my mom offered to help with the cost, Ahh for the first time a glimmer of hope, could we really get help? could Pieper's life be different? those thoughts made my mind overflow with dreams and possibilities.
With great hope and excitement I started Pie on the process, the testing, we have been here before, but it felt so different this time, for me anyway, not so much for my sweet Pie, she did not want to do it, but we got through it, the time came to sit down for the results, and it was what we expected, at least part of it, there was one big shock, the price tag....much bigger, to big, but we have come to far to turn back, so now we pray and plan, how will we make it happen, there is still the money my mom wanted to give us, and that will be a great start. I don't know how we are going to do it, but I know God will pave the way, and at the end of this next phase of our life with Pieper will be an outcome we never before thought was possible, it will be super tuff, Tommy, Grace and I will have to lean on God a lot, I can, see the light at the end of this long tunnel we have all been traveling through, so I am inviting you all to come with us, I will blog all the while, please pray for us, this is our time to let God shine bright in our lives.Oh yeah if anyone has any ideas for fundraising please share, I will need your help, Thank you to all who pray and love us it makes this journey easier. So now we hold for deer life, and we hold on and wait for Pieper's life to really begin.
Grace and Blessings to all
I was raised with a very strong work ethic, my parents taught me to always do my best, you know the old, do it to the best of your ability or don't do it at all, so in my life I have tried to be the best at what I did, I am a hard worker, I put all of that into being a wife and mother. When we knew something was not quite right with Pieper, i knew that my ideas of going back to work after the girls started school would most likely not be my reality, that was hard for me to swallow, I found being at home a bit boring, I loved the hustle of working, but it was what i had to do, I did love being with my little chicks, and I just knew that my Pie was going to need me.
We live a very humble life,Tommy works hard for everything we have, our home has always been full of more love than things, we like it that way. The idea of getting any help for Pieper was not a financial possibility, but we have been blessed with an amazing school program, and incredible teachers for Pieper, and life was moving right along, this last year, some behavior that had been a part of Pieper, were getting worse, she was getting older, and it was not as cute and endearing anymore, it was becoming clear, we had to do something. I heard about a place called Brain Balance from a woman I meet, her son had success there, and i was open for something, anything at that point, so I made a call, just as I expected the price tag was something I didn't think we could do, and once again it was back to just surviving, trying to get through everyday without losing it. Shortly after that I was visiting with my Mother, and spilled my frustrations out to her, I can only imagine how tuff that must be to see your child, and your grandchild going through something as emotionally draining as autism, so my mom offered to help with the cost, Ahh for the first time a glimmer of hope, could we really get help? could Pieper's life be different? those thoughts made my mind overflow with dreams and possibilities.
With great hope and excitement I started Pie on the process, the testing, we have been here before, but it felt so different this time, for me anyway, not so much for my sweet Pie, she did not want to do it, but we got through it, the time came to sit down for the results, and it was what we expected, at least part of it, there was one big shock, the price tag....much bigger, to big, but we have come to far to turn back, so now we pray and plan, how will we make it happen, there is still the money my mom wanted to give us, and that will be a great start. I don't know how we are going to do it, but I know God will pave the way, and at the end of this next phase of our life with Pieper will be an outcome we never before thought was possible, it will be super tuff, Tommy, Grace and I will have to lean on God a lot, I can, see the light at the end of this long tunnel we have all been traveling through, so I am inviting you all to come with us, I will blog all the while, please pray for us, this is our time to let God shine bright in our lives.Oh yeah if anyone has any ideas for fundraising please share, I will need your help, Thank you to all who pray and love us it makes this journey easier. So now we hold for deer life, and we hold on and wait for Pieper's life to really begin.
Grace and Blessings to all
Monday, October 24, 2011
My Rainbow
Somedays I feel like I am in the middle of a storm, I can't get my barring no matter how hard I try to find the safest place to be and to hold on tight, the storm is big and rages out if control. that is what an Autistic tantrum can feel like, now think about a storm that goes on for days, and days, it can be exhausting. Can you imagine how Noah felt during those 40 days? the good news at the end of that storm, God promised that a storm like that would never happen again (Genesis 9:11) and he also gave Noah and his family the gift of the rainbow (Genesis 9:13) to remind them of his promise. When I see a rainbow I always think about that promise,i see it is as symbol of a fresh start.
This last sunday I had a rainbow come to life in my little girl. Pieper loves music and dancing, on some sundays she will twirl around in front of the stage, she has tried to get up on the stage so many times, she has made it to the mic a handful of times and said a hello to everyone, but this last week she made it up on stage during worship, while the worship teem was singing, and she started dancing, twirling and jumping around, it was so cute, I should tell you that Pieper has a very special relationship with one of the girls that sings in our worship band, and it was like they were preforming a number that had been rehearsed, it was a big hit, everyone seemed to love it. For me it was even more special, it was coming at the end of what had been a very hard month for us, Pieper had been going through a tuff time, and on Sunday, her dancing on that stage, with such joy in every step,she was praising the Lord with dance (Psalm 149:3) that was my rainbow at the end of our storm, it was Gods promise to me that he would bring me through every storm.
This last sunday I had a rainbow come to life in my little girl. Pieper loves music and dancing, on some sundays she will twirl around in front of the stage, she has tried to get up on the stage so many times, she has made it to the mic a handful of times and said a hello to everyone, but this last week she made it up on stage during worship, while the worship teem was singing, and she started dancing, twirling and jumping around, it was so cute, I should tell you that Pieper has a very special relationship with one of the girls that sings in our worship band, and it was like they were preforming a number that had been rehearsed, it was a big hit, everyone seemed to love it. For me it was even more special, it was coming at the end of what had been a very hard month for us, Pieper had been going through a tuff time, and on Sunday, her dancing on that stage, with such joy in every step,she was praising the Lord with dance (Psalm 149:3) that was my rainbow at the end of our storm, it was Gods promise to me that he would bring me through every storm.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Maywood
Now I know not everyone who read this is a member of a church, but I am, and I want to take this opportunity to share what an awe-inspiring place it is. As i sat in our Sunday service today, my Pastor was preaching on the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5) and the Beatitudes, if you don't know what the Beatitudes are I would strongly suggest you read them, but in a plan explination Jesus tells us that we are to treat everyone with love even the people you may not think very highly of, that we as christians need to help and love even those who are unloveable. As I sat and listened to this and heard him speak about verse 4 that says; Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted (Matthew 5:4). I knew that was me Two weeks ago, I was mourning, not because I had lost anyone to death, or didn't have money to pay my bills nothing really life shattering, but I was going through a pretty tough week with Autism, Pieper had a difficult week, and that meant that the rest of us had a difficult week as well, I walked into my church that Sunday very broken and very much in mourning for my Pieper and the rest of my family, even myself, and i will tell you that that verse came alive for me, my church rally around me and i was covered in prayer and love, I cryed an abundance of tears that day, not from sadness but from the amazing love that i felt, my church was Matthew 5:4 that day for me, they comforted me.
I am not writing this to say that my church is the best church ever(but it is) but to say this, God created the church to not only to do his work and to take care of the poor and week in spirit, but also to help his own poor and week in spirit, just as Maywood did for me that day. Thank you to all my family for being their when I needed them.
I am not writing this to say that my church is the best church ever(but it is) but to say this, God created the church to not only to do his work and to take care of the poor and week in spirit, but also to help his own poor and week in spirit, just as Maywood did for me that day. Thank you to all my family for being their when I needed them.
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